Evil revisited With Pichu
by Mr. Yum Yum
Summary: All is at ease in the world until Crazy Hand decides that his newest evil plot should be carried out by the one and only Pichu! Rated M for Violent Humor! Not Swearing! Long update for Chapter 9 is up!
1. All is Peaceful

**Disclaimer?** What? OK... I only own my name! That means that you'll never be a sexy as me and my friends!...

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**Chapter 1: **The Evil Plot

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Mario was sitting at his table, which was at his house, sorting through, lets say, coupons, when he noticed something... He hadn't been summoned to save anybody for months. For some reason Bowser must have gotten bored because Princess Peach had been safe in her castle for a record breaking 3 months

"Oh my god!" Thought Mario, finally realizing what he was doing. "I actually have time to live my life like a normal person. Hellཀ I'm even cutting out coupons! "

The same thing was going on with Link down in Hyrule. Which just happened to be over that hill that Princess Peach's castle sits by.

"I got another one!" Yelled Link, who had just turned a butterfly into a fairy by touching it with the tip of a Deku Stick. (That's Freaking near impossible I swear!) "How many does that make Navi?"

"Uh... That makes forty-eight." Replied the fairy as she counted up all of the other fairies flying around in the courtyard.. "Shouldn't you be traveling to Termina or something by now? You know through the lost woods?"

"Nah already did." Replied like sneaking towards another butterfly. "The ungrateful Bastards just told me to leave pretty much. Shoulda let that stupid moon kill them all. Cept' that Cremia chick. She actually went as far as to give me a hug for helping her."

"Wow." Replied Navi, surprised. "There's a first."

After that Link turned his forty-ninth butterfly into a fairy and sat down on a log. He would have played his ocarina, but he had gotten so damn good at it that he had gone Platinum twice. Which is sad because there wasn't any such thing as albums... Or recording studios for that matter.

"I wonder what Zelda's up too?" Link asked to himself, bored.

"Probably doing the usual." Said Navi, equally bored. "Executing peasants and wondering why the hell nobody has ever seen the King of Hyrule, her own freaking father, before."

"Meh." Replied Link. "I bet Ganondorf's even having more fun then us, and he's stuck in an infinite stretch of white Sacredness."

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Meanwhile back in the Gerudo's Fortress, not to far away from the castle courtyard that Link and Navi were in... 

"I'm boredཀ" Yelled Ganondorf as he sat at his throne in the Gerudo's Fortress.

"Nah shut upཀ" Replied one of the many female Gerudo guards. "You've been back for two months yelling that you're boredཀ How in the hell can a man get bored when he's the only **male** in a whole freaking race that **He's **the king ofཀ?"

"It's been two months?" Asked Ganondorf confused.

"Yes it has." Replied the same Gerudo. "How the hell did you get out of that realm anyways?"

"I think it was a plotting device... I'll have to think on that."

And so it was. Nobody had anything to do. Because their was nobody to save/help. I mean Dr. Mario hadn't had a patient in three months, Fox and Falco hadn't heard of Andross since they accidentally hit that giant brain on their way to Wendy's with the Great Fox, DK hadn't had any problems with finding bananas since he now worked at a grocery store, Nana and Popo decided to just shoot the condor that kept stealing their stuff so they weren't having problems, the F-Zero Grad Prix kicked Captain Falcon out for steroids and he had gotten every single bounty in the solar system that Samus hadn't already claimed, Marth and Roy had finally became ugly and battle-scarred so the fan girls didn't bother them anymore, the Pokemon had all been identified and everybody lost interest in them six years ago, Mr Game and Watch had gotten caught in a massive 0.5 MPH wind that blew him to god knows where, Mewtwo had found an amazing new invention for his Migraines called Tylenol so he didn't bother anybody anymore... All seemed at peace .

But there was one more villain that hadn't quite given up or gotten bored with the whole "I'm a stereotypical evil dude that kidnaps princesses and robs grocery stores." That villain was of course... Crazy hand!

"I ate all of my grandfathers pills!" Yelled the deranged, severed hand. "And know I have absolutely no idea what in the bloody blue hell is going on!"

Crazy hand had just happened to say this above where the cutest being to ever be birthed lived. That being in the Pokemon world right above where Pichu was napping ).

"Pickachu!" Yelled the adorable creature. "That big hand thing that stole Jigglypuff is back."

"Well hello strange yellow gremlin!" Boomed the giant hand when he saw the cute creature. "Would you be interested in some candy?"

"Yay candy!" Yelled back Pichu "What's the catch?"

"Simple." Replied Crazy Hand, a lot calmer then he had been two seconds ago. "You just got to..."

Just then the giant hand spotted something on the ground. It looked like a winter clothing magazine for what seemed like, mittens...

"Ohhh... That's Sexy."

In saying so Crazy Hand proceeded to grab the magazine and start thumbing through it. He stopped on one page that had a pair of mittens being held together by a cute little string.

"Ohh..." Said crazy hand, getting exited... "bondage..."

So Crazy Hand proceeded to try and Jack-Off to the mittens in the magazine. Sadly though, since he's just a giant floating hand... He failed miserably and just wound up trying to poke a giant hole in the ground with his finger. He stopped when the bone in his finger broke and began to protrude out of his skin. Then he lost interest and turned back to Pichu.

"Owww..." Said Crazy Hand, bleeding. "Anyways about the candy. Just do some favors for me and I'll see what I can do."

And so it happened. An evil plot finally started to unfurl as Crazy Hand whispered his ideas into the poor gullible creatures ear. Soon something bad was going to happen. We just have to wait and see.

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**End of Chapter!**

Well there you have it. Now you know why hands are meant for video games instead of jacking themselves off. I'll update soon so R&R. Flames are always welcome BTW )


	2. The Plan Unfurls!

**Disclaimer:** This one will be better. Just don't be so stupid as to think that I own anything in this story.

**Chapter 2** Crazy Hand's plan unfurls!

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Now the plan is simple. Kidnap anybody that is considered royalty or is royalty in the minds of their fans. That includes of course Peach and Zelda. But then we cannot forget Ganondorf! And lets throw in those anime Jackasses Marth and Roy just for the hell of it.

Ok, first off is Ganondorf!

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Now lets have it make sense. Pichu normally wouldn't be able to kidnap somebody like Ganondorf. But he has a dumbass writer and Link on his side. 

"How the hell am I meant to kidnap the infamous King of Evil?" Said Pichu to Crazy Hand, "That being Ganondorf!"

"What?" Replied Crazy Hand who had forgotten that Pichu even existed. "Oh, talk to some dude in green. His names Link."

"And how do I get to Hyrule to meet the Hero of Time?" Asked Pichu with a hint of Sarcasm in his voice.

"Oh you're still here?"

"..."

"Fine."

And in saying so crazy hand inadvertently grabbed Pichu and violently chucked him towards Zelda's castle.

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"CHUUUU!" Screamed Pichu as he flew threw the air towards the courtyard that Link was in. Sadly though he missed and wound up slapping into the actual castle, making a loud Crack! 

"Chu..." Pichu managed to say before slipping down to the ground, wherein he was crushed in just a little more. Luckily for Pichu the courtyard was filled with fairies that of course, healed him fully.

"Well that was a tad strange." Said Pichu as he looked around the courtyard for Link. "There he is."

"Uh..." Said Link as Pichu approached. "Are you some evil creature that has come to kidnap the Princess?"

"Nah." Replied Pichu. "You must be Link. I need your help in finding Ganondorf."

"Meh." Said Link, already bored. "He's probably in his dessert doing whatever the hell Kings of Evil do. I'll take him to you if you want, his guards aren't really that tough."

"Ok." Said Pichu as he climbed aboard Link's horse, Epona.

And so they set off to the Gerudo's Fortress. Which was actually just across the field.

"Ok." Said Link when they arrived at the Fortress's entrance. He then pulled out his bow and showed it to Pichu. "You ever used one of these before?"

"Yah, kinda..." Said Pichu as he remembered the great Pokemon vs. Digimon war.

"Good." Said Link. "Just shoot one of the Guards and they'll be knocked out for a little while."

"Ok." Said Pichu as he pulled out a cross-bow from out of nowhere.

"Where the hell did you get that?" Asked Link, confused.

"Well I'm to small to use that big thing and people keep throwing these weird balls at me."

"So you shoot them right?" Asked Link

"Nah I usually just eat parts of their legs and some of their arms."

"O...K..." Replied Link. "Just shoot the guards and get inside. You'll find Ganondorf somewhere in there."

So Pichu aimed at one of the female Gerudo guards and fired right at its neck. Thus the Gerudo fell down to the ground trying to stop the flow of blood shooting out of her neck, all the while making strange chocking noises.

"Oh shit." Said Link, shocked. "That was not supposed to happen."

"Well what else did you expect?" Asked Pichu, surprised at Link's reaction. "I **did **shoot it with a frikin' arrow."

"Yah but... They're... Not... Supposed to die..." Said Link freaking out, because he had rarely seen any actual blood in his life. "Here try this. This usually stuns enemies."

So Link handed Pichu his Longshot (Hookshot if you're all confuzled) and proceeded to shoot at a different guard. This of course resulted in the ripping off of the poor Gerudo's arm. Blood spurted out of the wound as the guard ran around screaming, thus alarming all of the other guards.

"What's wrong?" Asked Pichu before he started gnawing at the arm he had stolen. "You look like you just saw your mom naked or something."

Just then Link passed out. Too much violence I suppose. But sadly, to our utter dismay, Link had the rest of his Ocarina of Time weapons in his shirt of infinite space.

"Oo... What's this?" Pichu asked to himself as he pulled out Din's fire, a cool little crystal used to burn everything around you.

"Yay its all shiny!" Said Pichu as he happily rolled around on the ground playing with it.

But sadly he got a little to exited and wound up burning himself a little.

"Grr." Said Pichu losing his temper. "I hate you!"

So Pichu chucked the magical crystal into one of the doorways of the Gerudo's fortress. Then laughed as he saw dozens of Gerudo's running to the outside on fire. Then he proceeded into the fortress to slaughter whatever else was still alive in there, and of course to find Ganondorf.

Eventually Pichu stumbled into the kitchen where Ganondorf was. He was just sitting there eating cookie dough when Pichu walked in and pulled out his crossbow.

"Alright Ganondorf." Said Pichu as he powered up his Crossbow's bolt with Light, thus making Light bolts. "You're coming with me."

"Why." Asked Ganondorf, rather calmly anyways. "I mean... I have this cookie dough and all of these woman. Besides the only means of weaponry you have against me is that stupid Light 'thing'."

"Fine!" Said Pichu as he switched it to Fire mode. "How bout now?"

"Nah..." Replied Ganondorf still stuffing his face."Now all you got is some little torch."

"How bout' now?" Asked Pichu as he switched to Ice. "This freaks you out right?"

"Depends." Replied Ganondorf as he put down his cookie dough. "What's that one do?"

"Lets see!" Said Pichu happily as he shot Ganondorf with his Ice Bolts. Thus freezing him solid.

"Ok..." Said Pichu to himself. "Now where is my evil lair going to be?... Since I need to... What was it... Kidnap him..."

"I know!" Yelled a voice from the stove. "Pick me!"

Just then JoebTheGreat popped out of the oven on fire.

"What... The hell..." Pichu once again asked to himself."

"It is I! The great one that haunts your bathrooms and steals your babies!" Replied JoebTheGreat "And I've come to help you on your quest..."

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End!**

Ok... So I was descriptive... took a long time... But it hardly had any humor! But don't worry! I'll update a hella lot sooner that I did this time and JoebTheGreat will have a horribly violent and twisted role.

**R&5**! ... What?


	3. Ganondorf's in trouble

**Disclaimer: **Lol. The only thing I really do own is that poem that I wrote back in 5th grade that all of my teachers shat themselves over. So don't be stupid P

Also if you don't like really **really** sick violence. Then skip this chapter...

**Chapter3: **Ganondorf's in trouble...

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Now where were we... Oh yah... JoebTheGreat.

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We join Pichu talking to JoebTheGreat about where Pichu's evil fortress should be. 

"We can store him here, in the desert." Said Pichu to JoebTheGreat.

"Nah..." Replied JoebTheGreat with a hint of laundry detergent in his eye. "Just give him to me... I know where to hide him."

"Ok then." Replied Pichu. "I guess I'll go look for Peach now. Wherever she is..."

Meanwhile, back outside, Link was getting up from his little fainting spell. Looking around, he remembered where he was and what had just happened...

"Oh my god..." Link said to himself when he noticed all of the various shredded/burned/mutilated/my cupcake/bodies laying around everywhere. "Wait what's that?"

What Link saw was strange... There was a flaming figure walking out of the fortress and it was carrying what looked like the frozen corpse of Ganondorf.

"No... Must... Save... " Link began to say as he fought the heroic morals in his head. "Must... Save the King...The King... From evil... Kidnapper... Must..."

So Link babbled on as he followed the strange figure that was carrying Ganondorf towards the Lost Woods.. Wherein the flaming figure stopped, grabbed a black mushroom, took a bite, and then proceeded onward until he found a grotto in the ground that he then jumped into.

"Hm... Should I go in?" Link thought to himself as he stood outside of the Grotto. "Hell why not? I do have the Triforce part of Courage anyways. And that means that nothing in there can scare me so..."

So Link jumped in and looked to the Grotto's back wall where a door was. He then proceeded further in through the door. In the next room he noticed Ganondorf, hog tied in the corner. Right next to Ganondorf was a door that had a steady stream of what looked like blood coming out from under it...

Just then JoebTheGreat came out of the door and closed it quickly behind himself when he noticed Link standing at the door.

"Hi..." Said JoebTheGreat, swaying back and forth, obviously messed up from the shroom' that he had eaten not even five minutes ago. "Do you like baby heads?..."

"Wha... What type of sick question is that!" Retorted Link. "And what are you planning to do to the King of Evil!"

Just then JoebTheGreat started doing the worm on the wall like some sort of tapeworm trying desperately to get out of a jar, all the while chanting...

"Baby heads... Baby heads..." Chanted JoebTheGreat as he rubbed himself on the wall.

"Oh my god..." Thought Link. "This guy needs serious help."

JoebTheGreat then proceeded to start doing the worm on the ground still chanting "Baby heads..." and before Link could stop the madman he was dancing some sort of arcane voodoo magic dance.

Then something even more horrible happened... It worked... Various dead, demon-like, babies were coming up from out of the ground.

"HSS!" Went one of the satanic children to JoebTheGreat. "Why did you kill us?"

"Why did you kill us? What did we ever do to you!" They all said together at once.

Then they all proceeded to leap onto JoebTheGreat in an attempt to tear him limb from limb! But JoebTheGreat just happened to have a katana in one of his pockets, and a chainsaw in the other!

"Dammit!" Yelled JoebTheGreat, more to Link than to the evil babies. "Now you see why I have to take there heads off!"

In saying so JoebTheGreat turned on the chainsaw and charged into the crowd of oncoming babies...

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Censored for the sake of humanity and all things good in the world. Including Chocolate and Ponies and anything with a hint of green in it.

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... letting the limbs fall to the ground and get dirty before he decided to just leave the body parts where they were. They would make a pretty good meal later. 

"Well that was fun!" "Said JoebTheGreat happily until he remembered that Link was standing in the front of the room watching everything. "What? I had to kill them. They were trying to kill me!"

"..." Link was speechless. The only thing he could think to do about his situation was to kill this lunatic. So he pulled out his bow and arrows.

"... Now I'm not sure what the hell you just did." Said Link aiming his bow at JoebTheGreat. "But all I know is that babies are innocent! Dead or not!"

So Link fired. And in JoebTheGreat's failed attempt at an anime style dodge he had his hand nailed to the wall with the arrow.

"Wah!" Yelled JoebTheGreat, actually crying. "Kazzjaff why did you let this happen to me!"

"Would you shut the hell up about your voodoo...stuff... " Said Link before he fired another shot. This one sticking JoebTheGreat right in the eye.

"Oo!" Said JoebTheGreat, obviously not feeling any pain whatsoever. "That hurt."

And in saying so JoebTheGreat removed the arrow out of his hand and let it fall to the ground. He then removed the one from his face, taking the eyeball with it.

"So you think you can kill me?" Said JoebTheGreat like some type of DBZ bad guy. "Me? The Kazzjaff's messenger and holy one?" Then JoebTheGreat looked down at arrow that had his eyeball on it, and sadly to our dismay, ate it like a kebab.

"..." Link was on the verge of fainting once again. But he knew if he fainted then it would all be over for him and for the King of Evil.

"So how should you die?" Asked JoebTheGreat as he picked back up his katana that he had dropped on the ground when Link stuck him to the wall with the arrow. "I think I'll start with your legs and work my way..."

Luckily for us though, while JoebTheGreat was saying this Ganondorf finally woke back up. And him, being the uber strong dude he is, snapped the ropes that bound his arms and legs together. Then he pulled out his sword that has always been seen on SSBM but never used and turned to JoebTheGreat.

"**Only one!**" Yelled Ganondorf to JoebTheGreat. "**Only one person is allowed to leave Link speechless enough to where he starts using '...'! And that's me!**

"**Kazzjaff give me strength!**" Yelled JoebTheGreat like some sort of Anime war fighter. Sadly though Ganondorf was already about 5 ft. away from him when JoebTheGreat started saying this... So he was cut in half before he could finish the word strength.

"**Die!**" Yelled Ganondorf as he started smashing JoebTheGreat into a bloody pulp.

JoebTheGreat died. Thank god...

Sadly though, Link had fallen into a violence induced coma and was left in the grotto while Ganondorf left to find the one who had kidnaped him with those stupid Ice Bolts...

**

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End! **

Well that was a tad strange. Not really humorous. Unless you're some sick freak that thinks that people eating their own eyeballs is funny... Anyways now that JoebTheGreat is dead we can get back to Pichu on the next Chapter! Who know's... JoebTheGreat's dead. But his invention of Goog still hasn't come into play. 'hint hint'

Mad Props to JoebTheGreat! He's my favorite writer besides that Mr. Yum Yum guy. Now he knows how to make a woman happy! jk noob...

**R&R!** And I'm still waiting for a good flame!


	4. Peach's Turn Part 1

**Disclaimer**: I wish I owned like... Something worth like, a lot of cash. So I could sell it. And like yah... But other than that all I own is my name.

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Alright. Let's all ignore what happened to JoebTheGreat and continue on with Pichu.

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Chapter4: **Peach's turn P.1!

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So off went Pichu to Princess Peach's castle. But Pichu didn't know where Peach's castle was from Hyrule so he just wound up in the field, getting chased by a Pea Hat. 

"Ahh! It's all sharp and Razorbladey!" Yelled Pichu as he Sped through Hyrule Field.

(For those of you who aren't fans of one of the few good Zelda games I'll inform you that Pea Hats are these weird plant things that fly around like helicopters to piss you off and cut you up as a kid.)

And so he scurried along as he was chased by the big plant 'thing' until Ganondorf, who had just started searching for him, noticed him running along screaming "Pi!"

"There's that prick that shot me!" Ganondorf said to himself as he gave chase to the little yellow rat. "Come back here you little prick!" He yelled as he chased Pichu.

Pichu then looked back to see that he now had a second pursuer on his tail, he also noticed that Ganondorf hadn't noticed the Pea Hat. This gave Pichu a plan. He would stop running and let Ganondorf get cut up by the evil plant instead of him. Oh he could just see the blood and body parts falling through the air! He could just imagine himself running through the field with his mouth open and his tongue sticking out so that he could collect some of the blood that fell through the air before it hit the ground. What ecstasy it would be!

But Pichu's little fantasy didn't occur the way he planned. However, Ganondorf did wind up with the Pea Hat sticking out of his back and he began to run around in circles screaming in pain.

"Meh." Said Pichu to himself as he grew tired of his current situation. "I guess I should call for that Crazy Hand Guy." Then Pichu considered what the consequences of relying on him to help him to get to places and decided to just use one of the canons back at the castle.

So he headed out towards the castle to ask Zelda if he could use one of the castles canons (if they had any) and of course to grab his next victim so he could get his candy and go back home. Things went smoothly until he got to one of the castles front gates.

"Hi." Said Pichu as he approached the Castle Town Guard. "You wouldn't happen to have any Canons out here would you?"

"No sorry." Replied the CT Guard. "The only canons we have are on the castles walls."

"Well then can I come into the castle?"

"Nope"

"What if I gave you five rubies?"

"Still nope"

"Nah screw it." Said Pichu as he pulled back out his crossbow. "What's a few more casualties anyways?"

"What's that?"

So Pichu simply shot him in the forehead and squeezed in-between the gates bars and proceeded on into the castle killing any guards that got into his way until he finally got inside of the Castle and proceeded to Zelda's room.

"Oh! Aren't you cute?" Zelda said happily as she saw the little Yellow rat walk into the room.

"Uhh.." Said Pichu, rather confused at her reaction. "Aren't you a little scared that a talking rat covered in blood just walked into your room?"

"Oh! It even talks!" Zelda whined as she picked up Pichu and began hugging him.

"..." Speechless...

"Where'd you come from little boy..." Began Zelda as she put Pichu down on her more than oversized bed. "Or... Girl... What are you?"

This made Pichu think! Was he a boy or was he a girl? He (or rather 'it') never thought of what his gender _really _was.

"I don't know let me check." Said Pichu as he looked down towards his crotch. "Oh my god... I'm a girl!"

"No you can't be a girl." Replied Zelda. "You don't have a... You know..."

So Pichu checked again...

"Oh my god!" He said alarmed. "I seem to have no Genitalia whatsoever! I'm gender less! Wah!"

And so Pichu began to cry. He always wondered why he hadn't ever needed to take a piss or to lay a log. He always wondered why he had never had gone through puberty. Why his voice hadn't gotten deeper... It was because Pokemon didn't have genders!

"Ahh it's ok." Said Zelda, comfortingly. "People sometimes think I'm a boy."

"That's different!" Cried out Pichu. "You have the right to be offended when somebody confuses your gender because you _have _a gender! I'm some freak of nature!"

So Pichu began crying...

"Ahh.. It's ok." Said Zelda, who then started hugging him/it. "You can live a normal life without a sex."

"No its not okay!" Screamed Pichu, pulling himself away from Zelda's grasp. "What's the point in me even hugging somebody if I can't ever do it with them?. cries.

"Nah poor thing." Said Zelda comfortingly as she started Pulling out some candy. "Here want some candy?"

"Candy?" Said Pichu suddenly normal again. "Yah Yah!"

"Here you go." She said pouring out all of the boxes content in front of him. "Have all that you want."

"Yay!" Went Pichu as he began stuffing his face with high quality, uber sugary, candy fit for royalty.

After finishing off the candy Pichu began bolting around the room at incredibly high speeds. (Literally. He was a bolt of electricity.)

"Yay!" Said Pichu while he spelt out the words 'you teh rockzorz c joo laiter!'.

And so Pichu bolted out the Window Towards what he felt like was semi-modern technology. That being Princess Peach's castle...

Slap! Pichu suddenly slapped into Crazy Hand who had caught him like a baseball...

"Ewww..." Went Crazy Hand as he looked at the mess that was Pichu in his hand. "I messed up..."

So Crazy Hand simply revived him.

"OK." Said Crazy Hand as he wiped himself off on the ground. "I'll ignore the fact that you just friends with one of the people you were supposed to kidnap and warn you about Princess Peach's castle's defenses. She uses Canons that shoot out things called Banzai Bi..."

Just then Crazy Hand was cut off by Pichu.

"Canons? Where!" Yelled Pichu excitedly.

"Uhh... There's one that's unmanned over there." Said Crazy Hand as he pointed towards a canon that was right behind Pichu. "Just be careful..."

Too late though. For Pichu had already climbed into the canon and aimed at his next destination Peach's Castle. It was her turn and so far she had nobody to put in Pichu's way.

**

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End!**

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So it wasn't as good as the others. Maybe I'm just being to hard on myself... But hell. At least I proved the fact that Pokemon don't have genders. And I also proved that the castle guards on Zelda OOT favor Link because he can just pay cash to get in. Anyways I'll update later! 

R&R... _Why do I always put this at the bottom of the page?_


	5. Peach's Turn Part 2

**Disclaimer: **I only own the plot and story line... That's about it...

**

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Chapter 4: **Peach's turn P.2

To tell you the truth... I was working on this chapter for about a week now. Stuff just kept getting in the way so... Here you go...

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Alright. Last time Pichu was flying through the air to his next destination. Princess Peach's Castle! 

_

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At Peach's Castle_

Bowser was knocking on the door rather than smashing it open... Strange if you think about Bowser's stereotype.

"Wha-" Said Peach shocked as she opened up the door to see who was there. "What are you doing here!"

"Calm down." Replied Bowser lazily. "I'm just here to barrow a cup of mushrooms."

"So you're not going to kidnap me?" She replied Quizzically.

"Yah I'm not going to kidnap you... Just give me some Mushrooms... The Koopas are getting hungry and I can't afford the loss of anymore Goombas."

Right before Peach closed the door to grab Bowser a cup of Mushrooms Pichu came soaring into the scene. Actually... He just impaled himself on one of Bowser's Spikes.

Pichu died... Again...

"Ahh gross!" Yelled Bowser as he started trying desperately to scrape the poor Pokemon off of his shell.

"God Dammit!" Yelled Crazy Hand as he materialized right next to Bowser's squirming body. "I can't leave you alone for one minute can I!"

No response...

"Nah crap." Said Crazy Hand as he revived Pichu.

"Hey Crazy Hand!" Said Pichu as he got up, evidently unaware of what had just happened to him. "Uh... I'm here, at the castle. What do I do now?"

"Uh... You bring Peach back to the lair..." Replied Crazy Hand before he was interrupted by the sounds of somebody approaching behind them.

Somebody, or rather, 'something', was approaching them at a slight limp. Normally you would have been able to see an evil glow in the characters eye like on some gay anime, but this guy seemed to be missing that exact eye. He was also wearing nothing but red and appeared to have Bubblegum all over his waist.

"Now you listen here!" Yelled the figure out in the distance.

(Don't you just love suspense!)

"Nobody! And I mean Nobody! Kills me! JoebTheGreat Never Dies!"

And with that they recognized him.

"Ahh! JoebTheGreat!" Replied Crazy Hand as JoebTheGreat approached. "Would you mind helping Pichu here? He seems a little small to be carrying somebody all the way back to that grotto that you stole from that Deku Shrub inside the Lost Woods."

"Who is he?" Asked Pichu confused.

"He's your side-kick." Crazy Hand replied to the little yellow rat. "JoebTheGreat!"

"Why is he covered in Bubblegum?"

"Because Ganondorf attacked him."

"And he fixed it with Bubblegum?"

"Well... He was cut in half..."

"Hah! I knew Bubblegum could heal wounds!"

"... Let's get on with the story." Said Crazy Hand to JoebTheGreat. "She's already fainted so it'll be easy to get her. Just bring her back to the lost woods."

And with that Crazy Hand and JoebTheGreat began departing back to the Lost Woods.

"Wait!" Yelled Pichu. "I just died getting here! How the heck am I meant to get back safely!"

"You see that red cube?" Asked Crazy Hand, pointing towards a red cube floating in the air. "Take the hat in it. That'll help you."

"What! How's that supposed to help me?"

But it was too late. Crazy Hand and JoebTheGreat were already flying through the air at high speeds. "You know." Pichu heard JoebTheGreat say as he flew off. "These close were white when I bought them..."

"OK." Said Pichu as he put on the winged cap that he found in the floating red cube. "Guess I can fly now..."

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Scene Transition!

* * *

"Wee!" Yelled Pichu as he flew towards Hyrule Castle. "Wait..." 

Pichu was flying right towards a wall...

"No! Not again!"

Now Pichu would have hit the wall head on... But because of his panic he wound up narrowly dodging it and smashing through the window.

"Ouch..." Muttered Pichu as he lay on the floor bleeding. "Which part of the castle did I land in anyways."

This was a useless question though. For as soon as he had asked it to himself he realized that he was inside of the castle's master bathroom! And it appeared to have its shower in use at the moment.

"Crap." Pichu said underneath his breath as he got up. "I gotta get out of here and find where the Princess is."

Sadly enough, Pichu's hat still hadn't run out of flying juice. So when he got up it shot him straight forward and smashed him through the shower curtain.

"**Ahh!**" Went a high pitched scream.

Pichu looked up. It was Zelda in the shower!

"Ahh! A naked lady!" Yelled Pichu, shocked. "My poor virgin eyes! I must cleanse them!"

So Pichu grabbed a bar of soap and rubbed it violently all over his oversized eyes.

"My eyes!" Yelled Pichu even louder. "They _burnnnn!_"

So Pichu jumped out of the shower and ran around in circles screaming. Until of course he slapped into a wall and was knocked out cold. Either that or he fainted from blood loss...

**

* * *

End!**

Ok... That was a tad fast but its and update altogether... I kinda feel strange about putting nudity in it. But thats for all of the thirteen year olds on the site to go crazy over...

Anyways I'll update soon. No idea for the next chapter... And a little extra. I used to be known as MakuTheElf on this site. I just removed my other story 'cause i never updated it

**R&R**


	6. Pichu's in the Dungeon

**Disclaimer: **I hate these things. I don't own anything that revolves around anything or makes money for anything. I only own the story line and blah blah blah...

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**

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Chapter 6:** Pichu's in the Dungeon.

OK... This one's gonna be made up as I go and I don't really have a good idea for the chapters title...

* * *

We last left Pichu laying on the ground in a soap-to-eyes induced coma. Lets see how things turn out from there. 

_At Hyrule Castle_

Pichu woke up from his black out and realized where he was. It seemed that he was in the castles dungeon, located of course, in the castle. Pichu also noticed that half of the town seemed to be down there and also, that all of them were men...

"Uh..." Said Pichu as he painfully glanced around the room with his burning eyes. "Where am I?"

"You're in the dungeon!" Said a man in the same cell as Pichu. "And if yur thinkin' about getting past that guard over there, think again!"

Pichu looked over at the end of the long hall of cells. There was a single Castle Town Guard standing there using his spear to keep his balance. He seemed to be covering an almost overly large metal door.

"What do you mean I can't get passed?" Asked Pichu dumbfounded. "Its just _one _guard."

"No you don't understand!" Replied the man with a more serious voice. "That Guard is standin' near one of them invisible walls. There's no way of getting past it as long as he still stands in that there spot."

"OK..." Said Pichu. "Why are you in here anyways?"

"Depends... Why are you in here?"

"I kinda flew into the castle's master bathroom on accident..."

"Really!" Said the Man surprisedly. "That's exactly what happened to me! But it really wasn't an accident."

"Hey same here!" Came the voice of another one of the men down the cell block.

"Ai! Same here!" Came another voice.

"Wait!" Said Pichu. "Whoever is in here because of getting into the castles lavatory say 'Ai'"

In asking so the entire dungeon/cell block seemed to resonate and almost shake with people all saying "Ai" at the exact same time.

"Damn..." Pichu muttered to himself. "These guys are worse than those lifeless Bastards that watch Inuyasha all day."

"Ey!" Yelled the man in Pichu's cell. "I 'eard that!"

"Screw it." Replied Pichu as he thought up a plan. "Hey, how do you get rid of an invisible wall?"

"Its hard mate." Replied the man. "There's even some that block you from leaving the country which you live in. There was one blocking off Hyrule here with the rest of the world. But our hero Link found a way around it through the lost woods. I've lost my wife and kids to them damn woods. Anyways, you might wanna try to kill the guard."

"OK!" Said Pichu, not knowing it would be so simple. "I've got a crossbow right here!"

"Good." Replied the man who hadn't noticed that Pichu seemed to pull his weapon out of an unseen pocket on his gluteus maximus. "Now you just gotsta shoot the guard."

So Pichu slipped out of the cell and proceeded to shoot the guard right through the gut. But for some reason the bolt just shot right through it...

"Uh..." Said Pichu as he returned into the cell. "It didn't work..."

"Cor Blimey!" Yelled the man in response. "That must mean that you're innocent!"

"What do you mean I'm innocent?" Pichu asked, confused once again.

"Innocent people can't kill other innocents here in Hyrule." Replied the man. "Link proved that when he tried using bombs in the castles garden when he first meant the princess. You're gonna have to have one of us kill him."

"OK..." Said Pichu as he began sorting through all of the items that he stole from Link. "Uh... I got this." Pichu pulled out the longshot again.

"Brilliant!" Yelled the man in response. "How the hell are you carrying that many weapons on yourself at once?"

"Just shut up and shoot him." Replied Pichu as he handed the man the longshot.

"OK." Said the man as he stuck his hand that was holding it blindly out of the cell. He then fired one careless, aimless shot and wound up retrieving half of the guards leg.

"**Ahh!" **Screamed the guard as he hopped down the hall screaming. **"My leg! My _Leeeggg!"_**

Thus the guard died of blood- loss.

"Well see ya whenever." Said Pichu as he proceeded out of the cell and too his freedom.

"Wait!" Pichu's cell-mate yelled back to him as he left. "What about us!"

"I don't think you'll want out of here once I'm done with the princess." Said Pichu outside of the man's cell door. "I'm gonna rip her a new one when I get 'a hold of her."

"Oo!" Replied several men. "Can we watch?"

"Friking losers." Said Pichu who no longer cared about the perverts.

So Pichu proceeded down the cell block to the door the Castle Town Guard was guarding. All the while he couldn't help but notice that not all of the inmates were men. There were some women...

"For christ's sake." Said Pichu as he opened up the door to leave. "There are some jacked up people in this world..."

**

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End!**

* * *

Well there's my next chapter. Kinda ran out of ideas at the moment but we'll see what you people think about it. I kinda decided to go against the whole 'need a life thing' that's always going on. And I solute you with the one finger solute (holds up middle finger) to everyone who watches Inuyasha. 

I feel happy now... **R&R**


	7. Zelda's turn!

**Disclaimer: **Things Mr. Yum Yum owns: Myro the Stalker, his name, the storyline, and the plot.

**Chapter 7: Zelda's turn!**

Here's an update again! If only I had a job... Then I'd stop updating and I'd have something else to do... Besides my audience has shrunk from three people to about one... Thx JoebTheGreat!

Last time Pichu was gonna go kick Zelda square in the pubic bone! Or something equally painful... I don't know... Let's just see what happens next.

_

* * *

In Hyrule Castle_

Pichu was finally out of the castles cell block and started considering the idea of him actually releasing the prisoners. They could help him out with all of the guards in the castle... But why should he? So far it seemed that he was a perfect Mary Sue... Besides the fact that he's already died more than once. But he **was **in a castle filled with guards so it wasn't long before he was interrupted

"Hey!" Yelled a CT guard that was currently on duty. "You're not supposed to be in here!"

And with this the CT guard gave chase to Pichu. But as he ran through the hallways of the castle, all the while gathering more chasing guards, something different was happening outside...

_

* * *

Outside_

Ganondorf had gotten back up after passing out from blood-loss. As soon as he had woken up and realized what his problem was (A Pea Hat in his spine) he quickly tore it off and sent it corrading towards Kokiri Forest. Screams were heard coming from the Forest as Ganondorf proceeded to the castle, where he heard Pichu was being held.

Now it was easy for him to get through the courtyard because Pichu had already disposed off all the guards. Now his only problem would be getting in through the front drawbridge.

"Hmm..." Ganondorf thought out loud as he eyed the huge wooden bridge across the small moat that surrounded the actual castle. "Guess I'll have to improvise..."

And in saying so Ganondorf proceeded to grab as many objects he could find so that he could throw them at the bridge and hopefully knock it down.

"He he he..." Laughed Ganondorf as he grabbed a dead guard. "I might wanna plug my ears..."

And he wished he would have. Because when he threw the corpse into the wall it met with a sickening **CRACK **which could be heard for at least two and a half miles.

"Hmm not that bad..." Ganondorf said as he picked up yet another dead body. "I think I need a second opinion..."

_

* * *

Meanwhile back inside_

"Wait!" A guard with a mace yelled to his friends who were currently chasing Pichu.

"What!" Yelled back one of the tired guards. For some reason they had all stopped to listen to what he had to say.

"Can't you hear that hellish cracking sound?"

_Just then Ganondorf threw another dead body at the wall._

**CRACK **

"What in the name of Din is that!" Yelled one of the guards as he twitched at the noise.

_Meanwhile Ganondorf grabbed a cat that was walking by..._

"I don't know but it's just plain sick-"

The Guard was then cut off by a loud... **MEOWWR! CRACK!**

"For Nayru's sake!" Yelled another one of the guards as he collapsed onto the ground twitching uncontrollably.

"Yay!" Yelled Pichu as he fell over to the ground in joy. "Pleasure Pleasure!" He rolled around on the ground and laughed uncontrollably.

_

* * *

Back outside_

Ganondorf had finally ran out of projectiles. He also had painted the door a pure crimson red with random bone fragments sticking out of it.

"Now what..." Pondered Ganondorf. "I know! I'll just dropkick it in!"

And in saying so he backed up about 50 feet and proceeded at a run to drop kick the drawbridge.

"Taake this!" Yelled Ganondorf as he flew towards the door and met it with yet another sickening **CRACK. **

"**AHH MY GOD!" **Yelled Ganondorf as he fell into the water in dire pain and agony.

"**MY LEG!" **He yelled as he noticed the water turn red and cloudy with blood. He then pulled himself out of the water and noticed that the bones in his leg were sticking out about a foot and a half in length.

"Good god..." Ganondorf managed to mutter before he fainted.

_

* * *

Inside again..._

"Ahh no more?" Pichu asked to the crowd of uncontrollably twitching guards. "Well... I guess its back to the mission."

So Pichu proceeded upstairs and to Zelda's room.

"Just a minute." Zelda said when she heard Pichu barring at the door.

Pichu then growled as he ran towards the door in an attempt to head butt it down. And praise the lord it worked this time! He didn't wind up smashing bloodily against it like he usually would.

"Ah its you!" Zelda yelled as she quickly tucked a nude picture of Captain Falcon underneath her pillow. "What do you want?"

"Just come with me and I won't have to hurt you too badly." Replied Pichu.

"Why are you doing this?" Zelda asked in an almost fearful tone.

"I'm only in it for the candy..." Replied Pichu in an evil tone. "Now just leave back to the Lost Woods or I'll tell everyone about that picture that you stuffed underneath your pillow."

"... OK..."

"Yo Crazy Hand!" Yelled Pichu.

Just then Crazy hand materialized right next to Pichu with JoebTheGreat in his palm.

"Yah what do you want?" Asked Crazy Hand, clearly stoned.

"Just take this pervert to the storage. I'm done here."

"Gotcha..." Replied Crazy Hand as he grabbed Zelda.

"OK... Whose next on my list?" Pichu asked still desperate for the candy.

"Just take a break dude." Replied Crazy Hand before he vaporized away with Zelda.

Pichu then looked around the room and noticed all of the sweets from before... And then some... A lot of some... Hell the whole room was full of em'.

"Sweeeet..." Pichu and JTG both said at once.

**

* * *

END!**

Ok. I'm actually really proud of this one! And I still want to rant on about TV!

Shut up you piece of Himarra shit! (yells at TV) I'm sick of your gay ass Americanized Anime and those Shitty ass show's that wish they were Anime! Hell I wish they were too! Because then I wouldn't feel bad about dissing something American! Just shut up and die! God I can't stand you and your high pitched voices and your magical powers and your so called 'Evils'. Evil means you! Me! We're all sinful you got that! And a demon is rather something that would be willing to cut out your organs and eat them in front of you!

... I'll stop while I'm ahead...

Sorry about that... Just had to get that out of my mind...

**

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R&R**


	8. Pain and Redecorating

**Disclaiming: **Oo! What now? I just came up with an almost original idea of saying Disclaiming instead of Disclaimer! That's about the only thing I own so don't be stupid (insert Tongue smiley here which symbolizes being silly not rude.)

**

* * *

Chapter 8: **Pain and Redecorating!

OK... I am so dearly bored that I might actually update this the same day as my other update! But what's the use? Even that Comix dude has left me! Besides I plan on having a lot more people die in this chapter so **R&R** (Maybe that's it... I keep putting **R& R **at the bottom of my fics...)

* * *

Last time Pichu and JTG had found candy... Let's continue with seeing what happens next...

* * *

"Yay!" Pichu yelled with delight as he swam through an exceedingly large pile of candy that wasn't there last time he was in the castle. 

Meanwhile JoebTheGreat was digging through all of the various rubies inside of Zelda's dresser.

"Yah." JTG said as he stuffed his pockets. "I'm gonna get tanked tonight! Whatever the hell that means..."

"Candy Candy Candy!" Pichu screamed as he began stuffing his face. "Yayz!"

Pichu then began to bolt around the room as a stream of electricity as he did before only this time he spelt out "THIS P00NS!" with his little electric light show.

"Yah. I know." Replied JoebTheGreat as he began digging through the other drawers looking for more valuables.

"LOOK AT ME GO!" Pichu yelled as he bolted out the bedroom door and went speeding down the hallways.

This whole ordeal went on for about three more hours until eventually...

"What the hell..." Said JTG as he pulled out various nude pictures of Falco and Captain Falcon making out. "What the hell..." He continued to dig through the dresser until he found a picture of Bowser naked. This site was far too much for him to stand so he dramatically passed out. And by dramatically I mean he stumbled around the room about sixteen times pulling down curtains and mirrors and pictures, and candy, and stuffed animals in an attempt to keep from falling.

_

* * *

Meanwhile Pichu was still Speeding through the hallways so fast that it'd make Sonic the Hedgehog jealous._

"Wee!" Yelled Pichu as he started to die down to a small, quick-moving, spark. "Need a refill."

And so he zapped his way back into Zelda's room and grabbed another mouthful of candies.

"Woot!" Yelled Pichu as he began bolting down the hallways once again this time his destination being the front exit.

"Yay yay!" He screamed as he approached the drawbridge at even higher speeds. Of course he was going to fast to notice the object coming but it didn't really matter anyways because he broke right through!

"Woot woot!" Screamed Pichu after he noticed what he had just lived through. "Wee!"

Pichu then headed up to the clouds and conjured up a massive storm that started making the Zora's river overflow, though this is unrelated and is only stated to show that it was a violent storm.

* * *

Scene change from bright mid-day to stormy **_dark _**afternoonish day...

* * *

"Huh?..." Muttered Ganondorf as he slowly sat back up. "What the..." He was looking up at the sky and was seeing a more than spectacular light show inside of the storming clouds that read "PICHU PWNS JOO!" 

Ganondorf then started following the flight pattern that Pichu was doing. It seemed that after he did his light show five times he would zip back into the castle to refuel himself. Pichu also seemed to pass by Ganondorf about five feet away every time he went back into the castle..

"Ok..." Said Ganondorf as he splinted back up his leg. "Just need to... **_to..." _**He was pushing the bone back into his leg while squealing an eerie high pitched squeal. "Ok..." He said as his eyes watered. "I just need to time this right."

He then crawled his way over to where Pichu was regularly passing.

"OK." Said Ganondorf as he followed the stream of electricity with his eyes. "On three... On three." He panted as sweat fell down from his face and tears began streaming from his eyes.

Now his plan was simple. Perform a well aimed punch that would hit Pichu right between the eyes as he passed by. Thus splattering him all over Ganondorf's fist.

"One..." Ganondorf pulled back his hand. "Two..." He cupped it into a fist... "Three!" He shot his hand forward.

**_CRRAAAAACK!... _**Yet another sickening crack was heard as he made impact with Pichu's head...

"**Hah!" **Ganondorf laughed menacingly. **"Got you good didn't I you little yellow prick... Huh?"**

He then looked for Pichu who evidently didn't stop his flight pattern... But this time there seemed to be a small spatter of blood where the impact occurred.

"Oh no!..." He said in disbelief. "Where did the crack come fro-..." He then looked down at his hand... Which of course was no longer a hand... More of a bloody mesh of bones and ligaments.

"**AHHHHHHHHH!" **He screamed in horrific agony. **"Why! _Why?_"**

He then got up and started running around the court yard in such horrific pain that Satan himself would likely be jealous. And it just had to get worse when he tripped while he was running which made the bone in his leg stick out once again but this time even further.

"Gunh..." He managed to mutter before he coughed out a thick wad of blood. "This... This is the end..."

_Ganondorf just laid there on the ground in the middle of the courtyard as the rain landed on him and as the camera zoomed out to show the whole scene from a dramatic birds eye view._

_

* * *

Now back to Pichu...  
_

Pichu then slowed down because he started feeling weird and his head was hurting for some reason.

"Huh?" Said Pichu as he stopped to sniff the air around him... "Wait..." He looked down at his body...

"**AHHH!" **He screamed as he noticed that he was on fire. **"I'm on fire!"**

He then ran through the courtyard on fire until he tripped over Ganondorf's body and fell into the moat. Praise the lord the moat was filled with rupees instead of alligators or crocodiles or leaches...

"Pi...Chu..." Muttered Pichu as he floated on the surface of the water, steam rising from his recently burning fur. "Now that's... Some good... Candy..."

It continued to rain as he floated there, passed out, on the waters surface...

_

* * *

Meanwhile back with Crazy Hand..._

"Hmm..." Said Crazy Hand as he started staring at a wall that lay in the direction of Hyrule Castle. "I sense... Something bad's going on..."

"Nah you're delusional." Replied Peach who had untied herself.

"What do you know? And why haven't you tried to escape yet?" Asked Crazy Hand who had just realized that she was redecorating the room.

"Nah I'm used to being kidnaped." Replied Peach as she started putting up various magical pictures from Mario 64. "Besides Bowser never let me redecorate his place. Maybe I can touch this place up."

"That's... Sort of... Nice of you... Especially after you've been kidnaped..." Replied Crazy Hand as he saw what was happening to the once bloody and dank grotto. "Maybe I am just delusional... I mean I was stoned about three hours ago... Maybe it's still in effect..."

"Drugs are bad." Replied Peach as she started up a tractor.

"Now what are you doing?" Asked Crazy Hand, confused. "And where did you get that tractor?"

"Nah I'm just making this place bigger. It's way to claustrophobic in here." She replied as she began drilling out another room.

"Damn!" Replied Crazy Hand happily. "Do whatever you want I guess... Just don't leave."

"Why would I leave when I can stay here redecorating your hideout? And besides it's not like I ever do anything around the house besides getting kidnaped by Bowser."

"Damn why didn't I ever kidnap you before!" Asked Crazy Hand as he began falling madly in love with Peach.

"Cause you're an idiot drug abuser..." She replied casually.

"Oh yah..." He replied stupidly...

**

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End!**

Damn this chapter is freaking even better than the last! I have to congratulate myself! (Pats self on the back) And I'm sorry about the way JTG passed out... I just had to get him out of the scene for a bit...

And now to rant about Angst!

* * *

When I asked my dear friend JoebTheGreat what angst was he replied simply "Emo." Now "Emo", as we know... Wasn't always what it is now (I'm not gonna talk about Angst in correlation to this site so if you don't wanna hear about it skip this huge paragraph). Emo used to mean that the song was Emotional (Thus what Emo stands for.) Yet nowadays it's classified as a bunch of high pitched teenagers wearing tight pants that are destined to deform and reduce their sperm count. Also you have to add in that they're likely to start screaming random bull shit that you can barely make out... Now this new age Emo is simply a crock of shit. Something that wasn't really ever meant to exist. Anyways the old style of Emotional music as done by bands such as The Cure and DeathCab for Cutie (don't know how to spell that... Should Google it...) And Coldplay is fine by my watch. I mean I was even listening to the .Hack/Sign original soundtrack (one of the few things Japan's done right so far when it comes to Anime...) And I couldn't help but notice how Angsty the lyrics sounded. But they didn't have to scream it! It's amazing! They got out an emotional message without pounding it into your eardrum and into your thick skull (aka mine... I have a thick skull... Had to tell you...) Plus there are cello's and other classical instruments playing in the background and as the melody/counter melody . Then add on the fact that only 2 of the 19 tracks are in Japanese! I highly recommend this CD and you can classify it as your own Emo...

* * *

Now I'm gonna get this story out... One way or another... It's a good story... But nobody reads M Rated Fan Fics... And the fact that I've started swearing gives it an even more 'immature' feel... Just please! If you're reading this spread the word that it's a good story!... 

**R&R... **_Sorry... It's an addiction... _


	9. The Smash Mansion

**Disclaimer: **Why repeat? No really... Why do I have to write this? Do I **_really_ **have to write a disclaimer? ... Ok.. I don't own anything that Nintendo own's... And that's basically everything inside of this story that's not an original plot written by me...

**

* * *

Chapter 9:** The Smash Mansion.

OK... Let's continue on with the story!

_**

* * *

Still** inside of the castle courtyard._

It was still raining like it was before but the rain had turned into a violent downpour. This just seemed to render the scene even more dramatic as Pichu was rocked back and forth as he drifted through the moat and as Ganondorf's injuries continued to bleed and spread with the water flow.

"This is kinda relaxing." Said Pichu as he rocked back and forth on the moats surface. "But... I really need to get back to the job firsthand..."

So with this Pichu climbed out of the moat and proceeded back inside of the castle to find a canon. I would spend a whole paragraph describing how he found one... But I'm lazy and I don't care about word count so lets just say he found one in a tower that was connected to the castle. But before he climbed in Crazy Hand interrupted him.

"Ok Pichu." Crazy Hand said to him. "Your next target is Bowser, the King of the Koopa's ... I'm not really quite sure where you'd find him... Nah screw it, let's just go back to the lair until this rain dies out."

"Ok I guess..." Replied Pichu as Crazy Hand took gently picked him up and warped him back to the lair.

* * *

"Woah..." Pichu said in awe as they floated above what was once just a small crevice in the ground. "Who did all of this?" 

"Peach did." Replied Crazy Hand as they walked in through the front door.

And yes Peach did do a good job during the time it spent for Pichu to realize that he was on fire. For the grotto was now just one of the two basement floors and the house seemed to keep rising out of the ground for what seemed like at least four stories so far.

"Hey Peach?" Boomed Crazy Hand as he swept through the building.

"I'm out back." Replied a voice in the back yard.

Surely enough, it was Peach. Whom had been putting the finishing touches on an overly large tree house in the back.

"Whoah..." Said Link as he witnessed the end result of what Peach said would be his new home. "Where's that log tunnel in the back go to?" He then asked her as he noticed one of the infamous hollowed out logs that went from area to area in the lost woods.

"Why it's a tunnel that goes straight to Termina..." Peach explained to him as they walked off to admire the structure.

"Wow." Said Pichu as he and Crazy Hand walked inside. "She's really outdone herself... Especially for somebody who's been kidnaped by a giant hand."

"Yah, I know..." Replied Crazy Hand dreamily. "She says she actually likes it here! Hell she's even gotten my brother to come back to help her in building all of this!"

"You have a brother?" Asked Pichu as they walked through a dining room with an exceedingly long table in the middle.

"Yah..." Replied Crazy Hand as they proceeded into Pichu's new room. "He left when I started going crazy, hence the name Crazy Hand... Anyways here's your new room. I've even put in some of your reward for how good you've done before hand."

"Woot!" Yelled Pichu as he marveled at the sight of a pile of candy similar to the one in Zelda's old room.

"Just remember." Said Crazy Hand as he noticed Pichu already diving into the pile of candy. "If you ever need to run off some of that energy there's a hamster wheel that goes straight to the mansions generator."

Just then Dr. Mario walked in with a serious look on his face.

"Why hello Dr." Crazy Hand said to him as he entered into the room. "I am afraid that you won't be having to prescribe anymore medications for me this day. For I feel almost normal."

"Nah it's not that..." Said Mario as he looked towards Pichu, whom was already running on the big generator wheel. "It's him... You see I've been able to successfully recover all of the Gerudo's in the desert but it seems that he's been in the castle too..."

"Yes... And your point is?" Asked Crazy Hand as they began walking down to the new hospital, also connected to this overly large household.

"Well... It's not necessarily the guards that he's killed/disturbed for life... They were useless altogether.. But it's Ganondorf."

"Oh yes... Him..." Replied Crazy Hand as he attempted to rub his non-existent chin in thought. "Do carry on."

"Well... He seems to be a bit beyond my repair..." Said Dr. Mario as they walked passed the burn-victim section of the hospital. "And I was wondering if you'd be able to use some of your god-like powers to help him out."

And with this being said they walked into the extensive care area, wherein Ganondorf was connected to a blood machine.

"Oh my, Lord Ganon!" Yelled Crazy Hand as he witnessed the result of Ganondorf's escapades at the castle. "Tis' such a shame to see the great King of Evil reduced to this..."

"Told you it's bad." Replied Dr. Mario as he began marking down various defects on a clipboard. "He said that your Pichu did this to him."

"Well..." Replied Crazy Hand as he thought up an excuse. "I guess he's successfully brought him here so... He did do his job... Though I never told him to kidnap him... I'll just heal him anyways."

And with this Crazy Hand snapped his fingers together and Ganondorf was back in one, not-bleeding, piece.

"Huh?" Asked Ganondorf as he quickly jumped out of his bed and removed the needles sticking into his wrists. "What?.. Where?... Where am I.?

"Why Ganon, sir." Replied Dr. Mario as he stepped back in hopes of Ganondorf not accidentally hitting him. "You're in the extensive care ward of the new Smash Mansion."

"Smash Mansion?" Ganondorf asked as he looked down the hall-way at the Gerudo's in the burn victim section. "Wait... Where's Pichu!" He then asked as he grabbed Dr. Mario by the collar.

"Uh... He's-a..." Just then Crazy Hand butted in.

"That's of little concern for you." Said Crazy Hand as he gently grabbed back Dr. Mario. "Now if you wish to stay here in our hospitality you'll have to make amends to Pichu."

"Fine then." Replied Ganondorf as he began to leave the room. "I'll leave with my Guards."

"Wait!" Crazy Hand said as he snapped his fingers once again. "There... They're healed from their wounds that Pichu also gave them."

So with this Ganondorf left back to his fortress with all of the Gerudo guards that were formerly injured/decapitated.

"You know..." Dr. Mario said to Crazy Hand as they watched Ganondorf proceed down the hallway to the front door. "I don't really see a point in having an area like this in the mansion with you around..."

"Yah I know." Replied Crazy Hand. "But everyone needs their place. And this place will soon be deemed perfect for everybody that I kidnap! **I'll be the only villain to kidnap every hero and royalty in the world!**" Said Crazy Hand as he started to laugh maniacally.

"Meh," Replied Dr. Mario as he went back down into the pharmacy area. "Seem's more like-a resort to me..."

"What's that?" Crazy Hand asked before he heard the doorbell ring, just as Ganondorf opened up the front door.

* * *

_At the front door  
_

"And who the hell are you?" Ganondorf asked angrily as he noticed a winged boy with a quiver and arrow over his shoulders.

"Why I'm Pit!" He replied in a gay high voice. (Gay as in happy)

"Whatever. Just get out of my way." Replied Ganondorf as he forcefully shoved the winged freak off to the sides. Breaking his bones upon impact of Ganondorf's violent shove and even more upon impact of his flying into a tree off inside of the distance.

Upon hearing the cracking sounds outside, Crazy Hand instructed Dr. Mario to go fix whatever had just happened to whomever was at the door. As Dr. Mario left Crazy Hand proceeded back into Pichu's room.

* * *

_In Pichu's room_

"Holy Shi-!" Yelled Crazy Hand as he walked in to see Pichu running on the wheel as a ball of fire.

"I'll save you little buddy!" He then yelled as he grabbed the fire ball and chucked him into the stream that flows through Pichu's room, all the while going 'Hot hot hot!'.

"Ahh..." Said Pichu as he once again was floating in the water with steam rising from his once burning fur. "Thanks for that Crazy Hand."

"Uh... No problem..." Replied Crazy Hand as he cooled himself off in the stream. "Now listen..." He said as he pulled out a sheet of paper from out of nowhere. "You still have a lot more people to take kidnap... And it seems that a bounty hunter/F-Zero racer is on the top of the list, right next to the StarFox team..."

"Gotcha." Replied Pichu as he climbed back out of the water. "Just warp me to The Grand Prix and I'll take care of it from there."

"Now don't get too confident." Said Crazy Hand as he gently picked up Pichu. "They go excess of speeds of 400 miles per hour."

"I can handle it." Said Pichu right before he was warped away to the F-Zero GX Grand Prix...

**

* * *

End!**

* * *

How's that for a long and descriptive chapter? Sorry about the lack of pretty much everything funny but... I kinda had to get the whole side story of how the Smash Mansion came into being. And you have it from me first... Unless of course some dude by chance has already done this... Nah screw it... Mine version's probably the coolest by far... And yes I do know that Crazy Hand no longer keeps people tied up in the basement.. That's because he doesn't have to! They'll stay there** forever!**

Next Chapter it's Captain Falcons turn!

**R&R**


End file.
